Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Getting the Emotional Side of Overeating Under Control

I am an emotional eater. Name the emotion and I overate to go along with it. I would stuff myself with fattening and unhealthy foods to not feel the emotions that made me unhappy. It was the only way I knew how to cope. I either overate or I drank myself into oblivion because I lacked the coping skills to deal with what was going on it my life or to face old hurts.

One of the coping skills I learned to use is Journaling. I write out whatever my thoughts are about any given topic, I usually write down thoughts that cross my mind and free write either handwritten or typed out what I am thinking about, feeling over xyz topic. I have found out that I had a ton of suppressed anger, hatred, rage along with some other negative emotions that did not belong to me. I had picked them up along the way in my life and found myself stuck with them. Stuck with them until I learned how to rid myself of them permanently.

I am also in Psychotherapy and have been for ages now. It has been very worth all the time I have spent writing out, accepting old ineffective behaviour and replacing it with healthier tools to face my life with on a daily basis. Believe me, for me it has been a very long road and at times, it has been very painful. However, today as I am today, I am happy, much happier than I ever thought I could be. And, the emotional cravings for unhealthy foods are gone.

For me, that is HUGE!!  I can still eat foods I enjoy and now I eat them in moderation. I can eat whatever I want to and I am now finding myself eating healthier foods and actually wanting those and not wanting foods that are unhealthy for me.

Because of this eating pattern, my weight has roller coasted throughout my adult life. I have weighted 325 pounds at my heaviest and I have weighted 130 pounds at my slimmest. I am now losing weight once again after having gained back roughly 80 pounds and getting myself to a weight of 266 lbs. I am short, this is not acceptable for me. I am determined to get the excess weight OFF once and for ALL!!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Journaling to Get My Feelings Out in the Open

I journal avidly, something bothers me and down it goes on paper. I have been in psychotherapy for decades and learned early on that writing helped me get a solid grasp on what was bothering me. This way, I can get a good look at what my issue is and how I want to modify my viewpoint on it or how to improve my behaviour to get that issues behind me. I have done a lot of work on my issues and I have come a very LONG way!!  I believe that I have gotten the issues of my childhood behind me and in doing that a lot of the overeating I was doing that was tied to those issues has subsided.

Now, I find myself turning to food because of issues in my daily life are stressing me out. I am an addict, I have an addictive personality. I did pot, speed, coke and drank to subdue my demons. Alcohol was easier to get my hands on and not as expensive so that became my drug of choice. I drank heavily for over 30 years. It is a flat out miracle that I was never in trouble with the law, I drank and drove frequently.  I also used food as a mask to not address the issues that troubled me for so many years.

I have been sober and clean for almost 6 years now. My dry date is 11-16-2007. I stopped the illegal drugs and the alcohol but I continued to overeat trying to squash the emotions I was running from desperately. I had no idea I was doing this. I had no idea how destructive I was being to myself. Everything was a struggle, I had lost control of my life.

I could not figure out how I had gotten myself there. I looked for a therapist and found the psychotherapist I still go to today. After more years of sabotaging myself, I finally understood how I had gotten to be that way.  I still struggle with sabotaging myself but I am much better than I was.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Gratitude for 3-21-2013 and Being Independent

Today I am grateful for all the good health I DO have, I am grateful for what I can get done and I am grateful that I can live independently.

 I am also grateful that I have realzed that I am going to switch this over to a Blog about GRATITUDE, that way, everything I do can go in that.

See ya on the flip side...............


Here is my new blog:::

http://seekingfulfilmentandbeinggrateful.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Gratitude for 3-19-2013 and Learning to Eat Healthy

Today I am grateful for all the food, spices and herbs I have access to. They really afford me the variety I enjoy in cooking!

I belong to a community co-op and they offer really good prices! I use it mostly for the fruit and veggie basket they offer for $21.00 and buying what they offer in it would easily cost twice as much in any grocery store. For the same quality that is.

I love to cook but cooking for one person is no fun.  I had some friends over Saturday night for dinner and it was a lot of fun! I am still a halfway decent cook! I fixed black beans in my crockpot and added some coleslaw mix to them. I am happy with how it turned out. We also had a big salad and that was also with fixings from the co-op. It was fun, I will work on inviting more friends over.

I am not struggling with the intense cravings I used to have. I have been using the cocoa I bought by adding some to my morning coffee grounds and  I made chocolate pancakes the other night, they were really good! I will definitely be making those again!! Everything in moderation, that is the key!

Monday, March 18, 2013

Gratitude for 3-18-2013 and the Sense of Touch

Today I am grateful for my sense of touch. I get to feel so many different textures, my kitty's fur, the scratchy pads I wash my dishes with, the softness of a plant and on and on and on..............the list could simply never end.........

 You know how flowers just feel beautiful? And fabric feels soft or course, wool or denim. Food can be hot or cold, stringy or solid. I believe that touch is fascinating if I think about it.


Sunday, March 17, 2013

Gratitude for 3-17-2013 and Enjoying Life

"Today I am grateful that my kitchen table is so beautifully inagaurated and that the food turned out edible last night, LOL I have handwritten notes on my place mats!! I love it"!!

I fixed a nice big salad and I crockpotted black beans and added some cole slaw mix that didn't have any dressing on it. I need to practise my cornbread recipe which I did not make yesterday. I didn't want to try out a new recipe on guests. So, I will practise.

My father died in St. Patrick's Day in 1979. This day doesn't bother me like it used to. I used to be an emotional wreck on this day but I processed a ton of feelings about it and it no longer bothers me like it once did. 

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Gratitude for 3-16-13 and Needing to Lose Weight Yet Again

"Today I am grateful for all the weight loss recipes and websites that are available on the World Wide Web. I am grateful that I have the capacity to lose weight".

I want to hide inside my obesity because I feel safe in here. How's that for distorted emotions? This Monday I am going to my first T.O.P.S.'s meeting. It is only about $30.00 for the year and I will get a year subscription plus the support at the meetings.

Anybody have an experience with T.O.P.S.? I'd love some feedback.

This isn't my first rodeo, I have lost close to a hundred pounds in the early 1990's, I lost 50% of my total body weight from 2009 to 2011, that was 163 pounds I dropped. That took me 2 years. Now, I told myself some rationalizations and here I am again, morbidly obese at 250 pounds. I am 5'3" and I am not getting any younger. It's time to get this weight off and keep it off.