"Today I am grateful for recognizing more feelings I eat to protect and being able to journal about them and discuss with my therapist. I am grateful that I have the ability to learn how to make my life better"!
Last night I was trying to figure out why I work at staying fat and I asked myself what does being overweight do for me. I believe that it serves as a buffer for me. Most people ignore me, I don't have to deal with unwanted attention of any kind, I feel that it somehow protects me from criticism but I am ruining my health. I am ashamed of how I look with no clothes on and I am full of stretch marks. Men I have dated in the past were abusive and controlling and bullied me into submission and feeling dependent on them, I caved. I was afraid to try to manage my life on my own so I caved out of fear instead of standing up for myself or not allowing them space in my life.
I feel like I am afraid of so much!! I have been slowly and as thoroughly as I can addressing and facing those fears. I really am ready to get on with my life and to not be held back by so much fear! It serves no purpose for me, I am not benefiting from it, I want to be bold and courageous about my life!